Speaker-phone

2008-03-04T23:25:00.000-08:00

Ok, i have made up my mind. I am shifting to Livejournal. It is nothing great.

But i need a change. So please. Update ur links peeps. Oh,and add me if u are a livejournal user.

Click here!

2008-03-04T08:40:00.000-08:00

I met him today and to tell you the truth, I was excited..... until I met him.

What a downer. Bleagh.

2008-03-02T23:44:00.000-08:00

LIVEJOURNAL/BLOGGER?

2008-03-02T09:25:00.000-08:00

THAT'S IT!

Where the hell is Jay? I am dead bored and I need a hug. Pronto. His flight better not be delayed. There are many things I cannot wait to do with him once he arrives. Play pool, talk, wait... what were you thinking?

I am dead bored and I have unhouse arrested myself and my organizers booked for the next three weekends. I need a break.

I need a threading session, a shopping spree, a fucking pedi. I need a life. House arrest is not for me.

2008-03-01T01:56:00.000-08:00

I have something to say. Nothing weird there, huh?

People my age, 19-20, people not my age 15 to the age of 40, they all complain about one thing. The lack of a partner, that one and only one they would like to put all their doubts, their dreams,their affection without thinking twice, without worrying if it would backfire because truthfully, in this world, the purest love is not really that attainable. People cheat, people hurt, people are selfish and that is one of the worst thing to have within one self if u are searching for real love. But. It is necessary to defend yourself if all else fails. I am not going to talk about how to acquire real love because as you know by now, I am no expert.

However, i am amused by how people are in a rush these days to settle. No, not settle down, just plain settle. They have minumum requirements embedded in their imaginary application for the position of the 'One'. Not THE One but a 'one'. The one they would make do with. The one they can live with. Yes, sure no one is perfect but when you know that the person you are with is not the one you might want to be with the rest of your life, why settle? Singaporeans, I believe are raised that way.The government have education systems writtten down to ensure a successful future. Have financial plans to ensure we never fail too terribly, etc. We all have marvellous systems that you skip the part where you have to make a draft. Remember? In secondary school, we all had to all make a draft first before the real composition. Well, in real life, here, we skip that part and THAT is the general guideline where people just follow.

And in relationships, we try to have a system too. Did not get an A? Settle for a B or a 'just passed' grade. That would suffice. And when there is no the 'One right now'. They search, yearn, cry, moan, whine about when they would come into your life and make it complete. Another fucking individual who would make you complete? Are u handicapped without that person? Are you?

Why, then can't you have fun without them. No not the club till your feet hurts, till u drink and cannot stand, not the date till you drop fun. Just plain contented with being by yourself. And that person will eventually come but why then are you whining till they do?

ARGH!

I would elaborate but that would take 20 pages, hell, I would even write a book about this. I am not judging, just irritated with this issue. People, go see the sunrise and while u are there, jump into the beach and drown or something. Maybe you'll meet a mermaid and she'll be THE ONE. Tsk

Room Post no2

2008-02-28T00:43:00.000-08:00

I discovered shocking news today. Guess business with friends is a really bad idea, huh?
I think i just 'un'house arrested myself. Maybe Shmaybe.

I love love BSU because of Leah, YanZhen and Sherwin. It makes it a lot more tolerable. I just realised there were many pictures that are unposted. Maybe I will update soon after I change my blogskin. You know the feeling of stagnancy does not make me a productive person so I think changing something is the way to go. Sherwin said some gross stuff about Mac's after watching fast food nation but I don't think I could stomach watching that kind of show. Pun unintended. I don't think I can eat Mac's for a very long time. Tomorrow we are going for some Career talk and I am really interested in going actually. I have been thinking about what good opportunities the casino industry might have soon and there is a talk specially for that and I cannot wait. As if they know what I have been thinking about what career do I want to venture into eventually and there is a talk about it too. My decision have been reduced to marketing, resort and tourism, economics but I am still open to other possibilities. My ideal job would be a good mix of F&B, service, travel and a great big rush.

On a whole different note, I have this guy friend who have been my really good friend from secondary school days and today I am really pissed off about what he had to say about himself. He is one of the nicest people I have ever met and the only REAL platonic guy friend who have never tried anything funny with me. He has this girlfriend that treats him like shit and it pisses me off how he allows her to do so. The best part is he always makes excuses for her and is even thinking of marrying her. I do NOT get it. Pissed off. Wished I had some friend to introduce to him or something but knowing him, he would never think he is good enough.

Ahh... I really hope I get to go Saturday. Jay's not in Singapore. Takes down the fun level a few notches. Bah.

This was the day me, Nat and Sangeeta went clubbing. Sangeeta deleted all pics and left me with these, not exactly how I would edit my pictures but better than nothing, eh?

Wasted la that night.

Tsk, never mind another time, aight, Sangz?

I love school now.

2008-02-27T08:31:00.000-08:00

It hurts like silk on an open wound.
Gentle, innocent but the pain.
Pleasurable almost sadistic, really.
It hurts.

Are u listening?
Do you get it?
Still not contented.
Never will be.
Till this silk cut it open.
And let it run dry,
When there is nothing left.

No nothing, nothingness.
What a beautiful word.
Absence. No beat, no voice.
There is melody
Filtered by a screech.

Feels like an alarm went off,
And it goes on and on and on and on.
Used to it, really.
Fucking used to it.

Till it stops twitching.
Stops feeling.
What do you want from me?
There is nothing left.
Nothing else to take.
Nothing else to give.

Just leave me alone.
Solitude freaks me out.
I change my mind.
Stay.

But.

Argh.

Forget it, Mum

Procrastinate

2008-02-26T21:35:00.000-08:00

Short.

Myriad

2008-02-24T23:46:00.000-08:00

I remember the time we were all so naive.

Sometimes, I wish the only thing I think about is still running away from Azman.

I love them.

Dear Mum,

What can I do to make you happy?

Are we that bad?

Love, Your youngest daughter.

Room posts

2008-02-20T22:48:00.000-08:00

Hey people, my internet's still pissing the hell out of me. This time, I paid my internet's bill, i think there is something wrong with my Linksys or something. Linksys bloody telephone operator is kinda stupid. Is it just me or is China people over-populating the world. And no, I do not have anything against them. Just it boggles my mind that almost ALL of them cannot speak basic english. THAT, I still let it slide. BUT I hate the fact that these peeps are in service line. Telephone operators, waitresses, receptionists. LIKE WHAT THE FUCK?!? What kind of assumption is that? That just because the majority is obviously Mandarin speaking, heck care about the rest. Which means all these times, our teachers stressed the importance of English and compositions and ORAL, it is all of no use.

Ok, back to the subject. I called Linkys which is quite well known right now in the telecomm industry or something. And the telephone operator went, "For Engrrish. press wong". Try pronouncing it, it fucking pissed me off.

Ok ok, enough angst.

I have pictures to collect from Oer Yan Zhen, Sherwin, Sangeeta.

Last weekend was awesome. I think the best part with him was when he was driving and he was stroking my hair and the aircon was blowing softly at me and the song was playing softly instead of the usual blasts of music that plays whenever we are out to parteyyy. And i fall in and out of sleep. It's almost romantic, i tell you, if I was really into all this mush right now.

It was nice, really. Jonna, next time, please come and party. I would love to explain in details, but really, I think it is a freaking waste of my time to recap. Unless i blog daily and I really dun feel like blogging daily.

Oh Oh Oh, what did u do on Valentine's? The real plan was for me, Nat and Dell to go Kboxing but I was broke so we stayed at home and chit chatted. After which, the bell rang and PizzaHut was delivered to my doorstep. I was really suprised, from Jay. Ahh.. shiok. Simple actions.

I fucking miss the girls like mad. I have been having a sudden influx of 'gerek kakis' to hang around with. But still, I cannot stop missing the tots. Really.
Such a fucking pity that I stay so far away and I have been drifting in and out of being sick. (I should have taken my antibiotics religiously) but i cannot wait for this Sat when I can see them again.

Ok then, I got to go now.

PS: Sherwin makes me have migraines about what to wear to school. Sigh.
PPS: My bill reached an ultimate high of $169 this month. I think i am going to ask Jay to subsidize for me.
PPPS: I need a notice board for my room, and a laundry basket.

Randomness.

When I'm gone

2008-02-14T21:33:00.000-08:00

My internet's fucking mad, I swear.

Ubin was effing fun. I felt like a kampong girl, having to cycle for my food and ciggarettes. Swimming and cycling. My hair would be wet all the way because every time it is dry, i am in the pool again. Heh. Loved it. Pics would be up soon. Bib's suprise birthday party was short and sweet. Miraculously, i think this was the best planned gathering we had so far. Hani cooked brownies, Fi cooked Spaghetti, Nys brought sandwhiches. Nice. Me? I ate.

Handover week is this week and my fucking junior is so 'on', it pisses the hell out of me. Knn. I just want this week to end. BSU have started. I swear I am not going to ask about any other gossips or anything anymore this semester.

I have no idea what I typed above but I got to go.

Get today over and done with and then.... The weekend's going to be a blast.
Pics soon.

Scoobydoobydoooo

2008-02-06T06:09:00.000-08:00

I am super excited because for a change, I get to go for something like a vacation here in Singapore itself. But that is not the exciting part, the exciting part is that I am going with my mum, brother, sister, the whole gang! Bunch of fun, really.

Yesterday, I received flowers from Jay! Wow, he never struck me as a romantic. HOWEVER, that still does not sway me.

Ok, I better blog fast. My brother's arriving any minute now. We plan to raid JB's stock of ciggarettes. Did I tell you my sis got a car? She's such an lucky kental. Kuna (my bro-in-law) got her a car the very next day after she passed her test. Bleagh. I digress, did you know JB has shisha? My brother introduced me this place with to-die-for Mee Maggi Goreng(Singapore's just does not cut it for me) with huuge chunks of chicken and very very well done Maggi. They also have shisha which I found out after confidently trying to justify the smell by saying it was SKL ciggs. heh. So, I might try to psycho my bro to go shisha but with this CNY stuff, I have no idea if customs would be a real bitch or a real breeze.

I feel like I have not been sleeping on my bed for the longest time.

Today 3 people asked me what I was doing for Valentines'. From painful past experiences(before I met Regan, i had a nightmare Valentine with this guy la), I would not meet someone on a date without me knowing him thoroughly. And...No.. I am not going out with Jay. A day too special, later he lovey-dovey how? So Nat, Dell and I have decided to watch chick flicks and sing romantic love songs all night @ Cash Studio. Sounds like fun, no?

Fucking random, my posts. Sorry.

I want to sleep on my bed but my brother just wants to talk talk talk talk till I fall asleep in his room.

Where is that dude anyway?

Ciao, beaver.

Insider's Scoop

2008-02-04T23:58:00.000-08:00

These past few weeks, I have resigned to my fate that I have to spend my days in Valueshop but in the days to come, I am going to be super busy.

Reports to be handed in on Wed, preparations and catching up with my darrrrling TOTS, Ubin with the family, nights out with my favourite girls from school, (jonna, you better go ah next week), chalet with MSC, which I am going to miss terribly. And then??

OFF TO BSU!

Who would have thought? It is fucking not fair that the rest got EMRS(events management) while I got BSU(Business 'Something' Unit). So... bleagh. I finally feel alive now. I guess solitude does that to you.

Okay, once again I am using this blog as my organizer. Bear with me.

Tomorrow

Reports
Prints MCs
Print Documents for reservations
Stock cards
Organize wadrobe (it's getting frustrating finding clothes)

Wednesday

Games planning
Meet the girls

Thursday

Ubin

The rest are hushed due to some reasons. Next ladies' night is cancelled because I need to pace myself on me going out. He invited me for his company dinner. Hmmm... weird.

Nat and my brother are worried that I might feel things for him. What they do not know is that I think after Regan, i am not capable of feeling the same way for people anymore. At least not right now, and honestly, I am happier this way. Contented, really.

See ya around, bitches. My brother wants to watch anime. wtf. Obsession la.

Bye.

Give me that hotdog

2008-02-04T22:35:00.000-08:00

We go mad with the mixed sausage set @ Almajlis. I can't wait.

Fruitless, that day.

Outcome coming soon.

Don't understand?

You will, soon.

@TOWN

2008-02-04T16:51:00.000-08:00

Taken when we went to Club21 to view all the luxury brand (say, Dolce and the likes) and evaluate how the retailing style of this industry is. By the end of the trip, I was really bummed out.

I feel so inactive right now. I think I am fat and a slob. I need to start running again.

I really do not understand why I cannot win Jay in pool. But i won't give up, people.

Ubin this Thursday.

Stay tuned.

AntiBiotics

2008-02-01T04:45:00.000-08:00

I feel like i swallowed a frog.

My head's throbbing, i can feel it.

I am burning up.

My body's system feels like it is under maintenance.

If not for this bowl of maggi in front of me, I would still be sleeping.

Time check: 8.47pm.

I have been sleeping for 6 hours. After taking my medicine, I got to sleep again.

Despite knowing i am going to fall sick, yesterday I popped by the Ministry of Sound after god knows how long. Smoove's crap. These fucking stupid mats are fucking irritating. I hope a new club open just for them and they ALL go there. Because, dude, it is NOT cool to shout, "TETEK BAIK AHHH" every single time u see boobs. (err.. not talking about myself). What makes u think shouting "BADAN BAIK SIOLLL!!", ]the girl's gonna get interested. Ahh.. who am i kidding, it works sometimes with these girls. My generation sucks.

Whatever la. No pictures because it sucked tits but whatever, at least my fav people was there.

I sense danger in Boat Quay tomorrow. Bwuahahahah.

I hope i feel better by then to witness his facial expression.

JimBeam&DrumBeats

2008-01-27T22:06:00.000-08:00

o I feel very tired and sick. I took off day, was feeling really bad today. I guess, today I need someone to hug me. Not just anyone, no, not even Jay cuts it. I need a real good hug from someone i care about. Where is Bib? I remember she gives the best hugs.

I really miss the girls. Before i meet them, I always think there are so many things I need to tell them but lately upon meeting them, I do not feel the need to tell them. Just sit down and sigh with relief that I am with them once again. I cannot wait for what is about to happen.

I am incorrigible. I haven't showered since yesterday. Dun worry, I won't pollute the air outside. I have been at home all the way and I have been walking around the house. To my room, back to my living room, back to my room. I had no internet until this morning which i stole from my neighbour. The TV's been off. I think I am going mad.

I refuse to meet anyone. Refuse to get to know anyone. I think it's just one of those days, you know? However, last week was really fun. Sat saw me playing pools and guzzling down you-know-what, what I do best, with J.

In the morning, I got this message from him

"Darling, what are we? Just friends? Buddies? Companions?Best friends? What do you want me to be? Dun think 'There he goes again...' Just answer me."

To which, I replied,

"Companions"

His answer?

"Can I please be the only one right now? The only one you think about? And when you find someone better, you must let me know. For now, you are mine only! Ok?"

I said,

"No."

To this, I must stress out that I do not want anything serious. Why am I sharing this? I want to know, why are people always searching for what they cannot get? Why do they not appreciate it what they have? Stoopid.

Syarifah and me caught up after god knows how long. We got complimentary drinks from CoffeeBean because they cleared up our drinks before we were done because I went out for a smoke. I love that girl, she talks sense. intellect is the word that comes to my mind whenever her name comes into mind.

Ok, I got to go shower now.

P.S: I don't know who reads my blog but everything that is written here are my daily thoughts, happenings and I have no motive to what I am posting. So, please pardon me if you sense any weaknesses in my being through my writing and not attack it.

Thank you.

2008-01-27T08:10:00.000-08:00

"I am more of a man than you can ever be but

you can never be half the woman I am"

A-ok

2008-01-22T21:17:00.000-08:00

Hey there you gorgeous people.

The reason I have not been blogging for so long is that my mum did not pay the bill again, thinking it was the SCV bill(I am starting to think that she is doing this on purpose).

So, here I am blogging while on duty in Valueshop.(Thanks Azfar). There are things happening but not really significant. I paint my nails a different colour everyday because Sasa is beside my shop. I review all the brands available there. Sasa's moisturizer rocks. Samantha's obsessed with Chips&Dale and I found myself talking to Dale the other day(I don't even know if it is spelled Dale). Anyhoo, Huang Peng accidentally burnt YZ with the steam iron. ARE U OK!?!Sigh. Nat drops by the shop a lot. I haven't seen my girls for two weeks, almost. Thank god I am meeting them this evening. HE has been keeping me company here and there. Promises of forever and ever. Yadaa yadaa and all that bull. I.AM.NOT.INTERESTED.

Understand?

Oh well. Note to self: Monday blues really exist so load up on Ben&Jerry's.

Bye, biatches

2008-01-15T09:18:00.000-08:00

EMRS is a bitch. Jonna and CJ cannot go on Wed which means that the whole world who took flexi have to cancel their flexi-s.

Many things are happening. But i am really lazy to pour over the computer photoshopping and uploading and posting and writing about those things.

Imma try ok.

P.S: My hair's pissing the hell out of me.

P.P.S: My bill's enormous. I just paid half of it.Stupid J. Till then, I am broke.

Wah, big fucking deal ah Zulaikha.

K Bye.

2008-01-13T07:44:00.000-08:00

Today, I meddled with another look, which is to fill the ENTIRE eye with eyeliner. Effing cool, i tell ya. I tell you, I can go on and on about makeup, moisturisers, anything really. But clothes, I am a basic girl. Which I really want to change. I don't want to be basic anymore.

Somebody help me change my dress sense. Oh, did I mention I was bored.

But I know next week's gonna be effing fun.

This week suck tits.

P.S: You now know how bored I am because this is my second post that I said 'suck tits'.
School's taking away my social life which sucks because HELLO!, I just turned single. I am SUPPOSED to get out there. Ah, well, that will have to wait. Right now, imma go get some shut eye.

NIGHT WORLD.

2008-01-11T07:34:00.000-08:00

Faint spells yesterday night.

Feel so much better now.

I think I need to tell him now.

Don't worry, even I dun know what to make of it.

U think he would know better than to trust me with his affections.

Some people, some people.

Besides that, I miss having a life.

Valueshop suck tits.

Aches

2008-01-10T07:18:00.000-08:00

I am supposed to watch the dishes, fold the clothes and organize my wadrobe because I want to sleep till late on Sunday and that wouldnot be possible if the hosework piles up and then would have to be cleared on Sunday. And also because I have to fucking go to SCHOOL on Saturday. Who the fuck goes to school on Saturdays? All because of open house. Sometimes, I wonder why I even bother to do these things. Ya, I know they are compulsory but i can have a choice. When 2007, I could bet both my balls(figure of speech) that I would so bail on these things. Guess I am getting better at my discipline. Next goal? Time management.

Day in, day out, it's been school, smoke breaks, lunch, whining, thinking of doing stock count but never really doing it, going home, meeting close ones*ahem* and then sleeping. I am tired. I need a drink, badly. YZ's birthday party soon next Wed.

K, i really got to get going.

P.S: I dun know where is my Ipod.

Throw rocks

2008-01-08T08:06:00.000-08:00

You know what's the problem with guys?

Before they have you, expect 4 e-mails, 67 sms, 39 calls from them everyday. Hear them take notice of every detail on your body, your accessories, your smile. Witty banter, anxious hoping. The more you shy away, the more they chase.

But after, oh my, who gives a flying fuck that you want to go to the beach to spend time with them? Who cares? ESPN is on, fucking drinking session that day. A date? Sure, tag along, why don't ya?

But all that's part and parcel, I understand but the most mind boggling thing right now are how they are willing to put themselves out there, hoping u'll pick them.

Why am i saying these?

There is an anon person I have been talking to. Met, talked, laughed. All in the name of friendship. At least for me. Untill he fell. Falling falling, dark abyss. With nothing to land on but cold hard TRUTH. And after you spell out, he starts saying that you are using him. FUCKING girl using a guy. ME! No matter how much you explain, they hear 'Bla Bla Bla', nonsense, was it?

Ah please. I had to tell him I got back with someone else, ok. And that he understood. STOOPID. Being honest doesn't pay.They'll never see it your way.

I am angsty. Let me be. Are there no more sane people?

2008-01-07T08:44:00.000-08:00

MSC

Valueshop

Friendz

Cheers

Giordano

Fusion

Sasa

Today there was really nothing to do so I dabble in what I dabble in best. Makeup. From Sasa.

Some looks I came up with. I loike. U dun loike ur pasal.

Pardon the eyebags and my eyebrows(was growing them out for threading).

I have been filling my time with my brother

And the tots(not as much as I want to but better now than before)

I love it right now.

Because right now, 'Like A Boy' by Ciara makes so much sense.

Love, love, love.

It starts.

2008-01-06T05:56:00.001-08:00

What have I been doing? School. Home. Clubbing with the folks, out with the brother.

After his phonecall that day, I could not bring myself to date. I really thought we were going till the end. After the separation, there are things I wished I had done differently but there are just some things and reasons that is going to stay in my heart. There are just some things I tried telling you but would u stop and look into my eyes? Can you read what's in them? Do you see you? Yes, that was the only thing that stopped me, you. The fact that I knew who you were, adored who you were stopped me. From what? Nvm.

Blinders, blinders, these blinders are off. Off to see flowers instead of plants, to see shapes instead of mere clouds, to see reason instead of excuses. To see independence instead on fear. To see romance instead of compromise.

To be me and not be afraid of it.

And with that, i freeze this heart. Till it's filled with cynism just like how it was, stone. To not allow anybody who tries to be something else with me, to not bend or be weak. To be heartless but real. I need to focus on priorities and they are not frivolous fun. And one day, i shall allow myself to be held and loved again but right now, no, no, not right now. For awhile.

i promise i would blog happier soon. I am happy actually but I do not know why I keep writing sad stuff. I might be moving to Livejournal so that i can lock certain entries. There are just some things I do not want people to know.

Sell Fish

2008-01-02T07:50:00.000-08:00

Selfish, he says.

Selfish would be running back into your arms and pretending everything was ok.
Selfish would be doing what I really wanted to.

Trust me when I say, it's easier this way.

Love, love, love.

BlackLabel

2007-12-29T02:34:00.000-08:00

The look on his face.

We made eyes.

It has been so so long but the gaze still dynamite.

I go to him, said hi.

He looked and his jaw dropped, his eyes bouncing.

We shook hands

He did not let go.

The flame, the flame.

I haven't changed, he said.

If only you knew.

Fact or fiction?

2007-12-27T15:12:00.000-08:00

I wrote a post yesterday regarding a certain msn chat with someone that grew a tad too heavy for me. But i took it down because everytime i logged on to Blogger.com, I see my depressing writings there and it spoils my mood.

Just came back from morning run. Time: 7.06am.

Great, just enough time for coffee and toast and then comes the hard part. Finding what to wear. Why am i blogging? Because I am waiting to cool off because they say when u bathe when u are sweating, u get these white marks on ur body. Well, not going to take that chance, people.

P.S: Have u completed your 2007 resolution?

Hushhhhh

2007-12-27T04:30:00.000-08:00

I need a trim, i need cash, i need clothes.

I need many many things but most of all, i need time.

And i can't wait for mid january. Why? Heh.

See ya.

Tis the season to be jolly

2007-12-24T00:55:00.000-08:00

You know, I never thought that many people actually thinks the way I do.

Well, I was wrong.

It's that time again. The time where so many functions are happening that I have to constantly remind myself that I do not need to check with a significant other anymore. Not that I didn't like being attached but being single gives u a sense of empowerment. Right now, I am giving myself time for me to grow. The fact that I am reaching my 20's was like a slap to my face.

I thought, 'Why the heck am I still getting affected by what people say as if I am a child? That I seek approval before going ahead with what I want to do and if I already did it, I turn and see if anyone judged me for it.'

So, I burned all my diaries because they were reminders of how scared and vulnerable I was. Yes, ALL. Including those when I was K2. As I do not smile and reminisce about what was written there. The things I write inside are all painful, toxic and right now, my life cannot get any better so I flushed all those painful memories away. Family, guys, myself... right now, I am going to try to be MY best friend. I do not need anybody to hold me tight, say everything's ok, to fuck, etc etc. I can do all those myself. (heh).

For a start, I am going to find out who I really am because honestly, I don't really know right now. Before that, Imma go ahead and enjoy my Christmas Eve. So, cheers, people.

Merry Christmas

p.s: My new house rocks.

One Week

2007-12-22T02:52:00.000-08:00

I refuse to delete his pictures, not because it hurts but because they still make me smile.

But i am recovering faster than I thought, yet, I miss him.

Que Sara, sara.

2007-12-19T00:40:00.000-08:00

I have been good. There are moments I break down but the thought that there is nothing I could do about it always sober me up each and everytime. Now, the only thing to do is to keep looking forward. Though it hurts in places that never hurt before, I know that this is for the best and though I love him a lot, it just would not work out. Nevertheless, I wish him the best of health and a very happy life.

Before this blog become a funeral home, here are the pics from the sleepover. (See how I switched the mood, if only I could switch MY mood like that. Ahh.. the beauty of writing.)

SLUMBER PARTY WITH THE TOTS

Things are always happening when we get together. We talked, got high,grabbed boobs, played twister, made monkey noises, me&hani painted on Fi's and Nys' faces when they slept. Nys pissed. Bib is a light sleeper. We got caught red-handed. Forgot my wallet in the morning. Ate prata and said goodbye.

Amy winehouse and Paul Twohill

Tourists

Cheers

Circle of Friends

We talked about things we were afraid to talk about and when the clock struck 5am, everyone got tired but Hani won't let me sleep So..

Paul Twohill

Ashanti

Kate

Amy Winehouse

Beyonce

We were just playing la, ok?!?

I hate Ashanti anyway.

K, peeps. Balcony this Fri, WOOTS!

Ouch, that hurts

2007-12-13T05:00:00.001-08:00

As I keep asking him,"Is there anything you want to tell me?", I keep crying. Mourning the thought of us being apart.

Monkeys, he call us. I love it when he pouts, I love it when he does his silly lil dance, I love his sense of humour. I just wished he would have hugged me and told me that he loved me and it pains him too to let me go. As much as it does me.

I also mourn the fact that someone as amazing as him as a person could disappear from my life and there is nothing I could do about it. And I hope dearly that I would have his friendship in my life.

We were so good together but it was a matter of the inevitable. It would take a very long time for me to be back to normal but i guess I have to get used to this.

Anybody up for anything? Keep my mind off this please.

2007-12-06T19:55:00.001-08:00

Ok all you beautiful people, Imma head across the causeway now, i'll see ya when I see ya.

Rush Rush.

2007-12-05T09:20:00.000-08:00

Ok, I only got a couple of minutes to blog before I got to hit the sack and wake up early for a morning jog and then rush to mum's shop to help her out.

Following that would be, hopefully, a snuggling session with my smoochie pie (sorry) and then would be the weekend away for Anitooz birthday bash @ JB.
Hotel: Booked
Drinks: Settled
High heels: Got it.
Just a minor concern about the riots in Malaysia. Hope it's nothing too bad.

Pictures from the sleepover on Fri and the birthday bash soon.

P.S: I got MSC for next TEP stopover at ValueShop. Thank god, it's not Cheers.

Cheers

Band of... ah, heck that.

2007-12-02T08:08:00.000-08:00

People always assume the worst out of somebody. This is inbuilt, in me, especially. Which contradicts what I do to rectify it. I try my best to squeeze something good out of those people and hang on it, telling myself they are allowed to be like that, to try my best not to judge them, pin a little bit of hopes on them.

I view whatever I went through all as stepping stones to what I am going to be and honestly, I do not think I view myself the same way people view me. You know, like I am living my life, I feel this out of body experience where I mould myself to be a certain way but somehow or rather, I cannot identify myself with it. People always say, 'Be Yourself'. What if I do not know myself? 'Do what your heart tells you'. Cut me the crap. The heart cannot be counted on for anything. Let me digress.

They cannot invent viagra for woman because, I quote, 'Women are too complicated'. And this is scientific! This, about the most natural aspect about mankind. Reproduction and we are too complicated. What's so tough, right? U put it in, they cum, we get baby. Done.

Ok, back to the point, if something so simple and barbaric is deemed complicated for top notch scientists, what about emotions. Relationships between woman and woman. Friends. My gosh, no wonder guys are petrified. No caveman ever ran away from cave woman. But now, they do because we are so complicated, we try to understand things by coming up with complicating theories and talk them out with our girlfriends who will come up with THEIR complicating theories and then emotions come. And.... you get the picture.

This post in itself is another complicating theory.

More often than not, I am called up at odd hours at different points of time when friends will call me when they need advice, when they need cheering up, when they need someone there when everyone turn their backs to them. But the second they think that their life is going well and they got a strong head on their shoulders, POOF! they are gone. Did they even bother asking, 'Hey, joo/ika/zulaikha/aunt agony, how are you? What's up? Like really...' No. Never.

And stupid lil me is kept missing them, and hoping that something's wrong just so I can have that bond with them again. But NOPE. I take my time out, my effort out, i take the trouble to FEEL them, my eyebrows furrow till it hurts but would they even take the time out to even do that for me? And then, I want them to do the same but get this, I FEEL GUILTY. Everytime I cannot do that, they make me sound like I am the bad one, that I SHOULD have been there.

But, the moral of the story is... I am done. I am going to surround myself with people who care. Care about this talkative, stupid lil girl enough to even make time to sit down and have a cup of coffee. I don't even care if it's the canned Nescafe in 7-11. Not because they are bored, or their boyfriends, grandmother, other more 'happening' friends are not there but because they truly care. I might sound selfish but HELL, I am allowed to feel selfish.

In another more cheerful note, I am blessed with people who does. A selected handpicked few but that's all I need.

And I am proud to say that I will truly go the extra mile for them, no matter what. If you are sick, I'll book you an appointment.

They should have a movie called the Band of Sisters.

....

2007-11-29T20:25:00.000-08:00

To-do list:This post is redundant, I am just using this as my organizer

Friday:

Spruce up my house. House cleaning.
Gym at 2
Wash up
Meet the girls
Buy the booze
Book the hotel room
Have fun.

Saturday:

Meet Regan
Help around the kitchen for Thipa's birthday dinner
Thipa's birthday celebration

Sunday:

Get ready for Rasha's birthday function @ Khalsa
Get drunk( my god, i sound like an alchoholic)
Ok, don't get drunk

Monday:

Work..Boo!

Bad Heels

2007-11-29T07:32:00.000-08:00

Club-hopping not's such a great idea when u are wearing 3 inches heels ( I love Heatwave).

Jonna, Yan Zhen and me hit the clubs yesterday.

See how happy she is to see me?

Hah.

Let's go!

@ One nite stand

@ Plush (which sucked ass)

One shot, that's it.

Next stop was Attica.

@ The Arena

We walked back to Plush to take our bags and left it at Arena. Yan Zhen got drunk. Yup, 7-11, cup noodles, a bottle of mineral water and beer(for me, duh!) and Yan Zhen was up and about again. Thank god.

Got followed by two Banglas and we made fun of them all the way which explains these pics.

Next @ The Living Room

CJ came!

YZ wearing my heels for me (it was unbearable)

We were picked up by three people who dragged us to the Living Room. Man! That girl can shake her booty.

I Loved it. Though the clubbing in Singapore are not suprising to me anymore. It's different la.

Took the first train home, can u fucking believe it? That took discipline! Slept the whole of thursday away. And tomorrow is the girls' slumber party. Can't wait!

Peace out.

Updates, you ask?

2007-11-26T07:25:00.000-08:00

Round 2, Bitches.

Wait, I need to stop here. I just realised that Bib's posing the 'I-want-to-slap-her-face' look. Fucking action.

K let's move on...

Friday was town again and we hid behind the lion and i realised that I reaaaalllly missed them. We talked and spilled everything like our usual weekly/fortnightly meetings where we squeeze camwhoring, the heads-up on what is happening in our lives, like 'Any updates?', what's up in a nutshell kinda thing and the crazy jump around happy-happy until gila gathering.

Sat was my monkey, Plaza Sing,traffic jams, Beowulf, Carls Junior and Crab shack. I miss him already.

Ok. Pause.

He really hates it when I take pictures while he is driving.

So, I shoot, pout and look sad when he scolds and put the camera away.

And shoot again the next time we are stuck again in a jam.

Heh.

I love him.

I just realised that we are 1 yr 6 months.

Wow. We don't really celebrate anniversaries.

Only yearly.

Him, Me, cuddling in the cinema, holding hands, pouts and beer.

I am a....

I surrender whole-heartedly.

Curwy-Wurwy, bb.

2007-11-25T07:13:00.000-08:00

You know, sometimes you act like you are the most hard-hearted bitch around when actually you just long for the best for those u care. I am often in the middle of that two personas of myself. Random, fleeting.

Tired, shagged. I need time alone.

I need to dance. Shake and shimmy my worries away.

Overdue... yet again

2007-11-22T10:30:00.000-08:00

So I take pictures of everything BUT there is no bluetooth in my lappie which means I have to plug i the USB which is fucked up so I go to Regan's place everytime I want to upload. And when I did, I realised there is wayyyy too many solo shots so Imma just forget about it.

I am really sorry for the recent absence but I have been helping out at my mum's shop because I had a headache thinking how to cough up $150 bucks for my bill. And I thought, why not? I had nothing to do anyway and I have been feeling really depressed because I haven't been seeing them much at all. And..... I managed to get it within 4 days. Woots! Just imagine what I could have bought. Oh, shove that, just imagine how much money I am wasting. Sigh.

Oh well. I am living off Fi's camera. Because Hani sucks.

Ok, actually I wasn't just at home. It was just nothing interesting to blog about. Tomorrow's town again with the girls.

Regan just bought Pro-Evo '08 (It's like the more animated Winning eleven) so we are gaming a lot! I am really busy ok!

It 3am and I have an off day tomorrow. I got to go because I wanna hit the gym tomorrow morning.

P.S: DO NOT do 600 jumping jacks with bare feet. Really.

Guess what I have been doing?

2007-11-18T09:07:00.000-08:00

Rotting at home, taking pictures.

Not going anywhere.

My mum woke me up today and we cooked, did the laundry, washed the dishes.

I feel like a housewife.

I want to get hiiiiigh. Now.

err. Hi

2007-11-16T07:59:00.000-08:00

You know, I have been feeling like I was walking in a haze of poof recently. It's like how YZ would put it, 'not existing' anymore.

After months of having an easy amount of disposable income, I sometimes fool myself into thinking that I could splurge on cab to and fro everywhere, even from my house to the MRT interchange. I calculated and I think I have spent $100+ on cabs itself and now, I am fretting about paying the bill. I think all this reality shows *ahem* are getting to me.

My mum opened a new shop which means more work for them. They start like 4 am to 10 pm. I think they are mad and like to feel useful like that. Oh well, I ain't complaining, as long as my allowance keeps coming. I feel so useless just relying on allowance, though it is comfy but still! I want a job but parents asking me to work with them, ok lorr.

I think I am obsessed about viewing my phone as an investment. I think of them as stocks and now, only Sony Ericson will do. Praise Cybershot!
I heard the K800i I just bought like 1 month ago is depreciating and a top up of 250, I can get the new one! Cheap right?! Ok, u tell me, is it worth it or should I just hang on to a phone that I love and do not upgrade every 2 months?

Moving on...

I feel like doing a lot of things, like clubbing, like Sentosa(err.. Not Zoukout, I went last year and I fell asleep on the beach and the sand got into my ass and other unmentionables. It was horrifying), I have always wanted to check out KM8 . Ok, maybe 5 kgs later la. A lot la, ok.

I miss the girls so much. I really hope our slumber party happens because if not, I am going there alone. Come on, girls!

There are many things going through my head right now, I need to go out. Big time.

Stupid USB cable

2007-11-14T23:01:00.000-08:00

I am currently busy so, u guys go and have fun while I have fun.

Aww.. dun cry.
See ya

Obsessed

2007-11-11T08:31:00.000-08:00

Ok, I am obsessed with The Hills, the internet and trying to find pictures to upload.
And so, I am going to take a break every two days from blogging and logging on to the internet and do fruitful stuff like organizing what I want to do and upload my wadrobe instead.

Apart from that, my mind is not really in the right state to help out with my mum's shop because I still want to party. But, I guess, I need the cash right now anyway. Being jobless is so much fun but you got to cut on the expenditure anyway, especially ciggarettes. Useless pieces of sticks with leaves. Why am I smoking? I have no idea.

Anyway, I got a presentation tomorrow and I am still awake, see what I told you about my obsession with the net?

Tomorrow, Imma try my best from surfing the net for my own leisure and watch a movie instead. That is, IF i am not cramming for PM project. I wanna go to school but instead, I have a 3 weeks break. Really, NYP, I don't need it.

Bleagh

2007-11-10T09:18:00.000-08:00

I wanna quit smoking I wanna quit smoking I wanna quit smoking I wanna quit smoking I wanna quit smoking I wanna quit smoking I wanna quit smoking I wanna quit smoking I wanna quit smoking I wanna quit smoking I wanna quit smoking I wanna quit smoking I wanna quit smoking I wanna quit smoking I wanna quit smoking I wanna quit smoking I wanna quit smoking I wanna quit smoking I wanna quit smoking I wanna quit smoking I wanna quit smoking I wanna quit smoking I wanna quit smoking I wanna quit smoking I wanna quit smoking I wanna quit smoking I wanna quit smoking I wanna quit smoking I wanna quit smoking I wanna quit smoking I wanna quit smoking I wanna quit smoking I wanna quit smoking I wanna quit smoking I wanna quit smoking I wanna quit smoking I wanna quit smoking I wanna quit smoking I wanna quit smoking I wanna quit smoking I wanna quit smoking I wanna quit smoking I wanna quit smoking I wanna quit smoking I wanna quit smoking I wanna quit smoking I wanna quit smoking I wanna quit smoking I wanna quit smoking I wanna quit smoking

Sigh. Throat hurts.Again.

Overdue

2007-11-09T00:45:00.000-08:00

It is a bit late for these pictures but I just got them so imma just post and not talk so much.

Geylang with the TOTS

I love these people.

For those who are not familiar with the tots and keep asking me about the tots,

Left to Right: Bitot, Nytot, Rotot, Fitot, Shatot and Jootot

Sha and Faizal

This is the 'hak' game we love to play whenever we have nothing to do.

My brother and Farouq

Stocking up for the party.

Riiiiight.

Booze and?.... that's right... sex.LOL. Hani muka macam paham.

Before and After Breast Augmentation. Hahahahahaha.

Slacking under the block chatting.

K, peeps, gonna run off to a drinking & gambling session @ my sister's place. In true Indian style. I hate gambling but... i love beer.*winks.

Stay tuned for pics, bitches.

Bumpy Lumpy Lump

2007-11-07T07:37:00.001-08:00

This is just great.

This past week have been hell and back. I was dragged into class politics which, despite myself, I have to say drained both my eardrums and my energy. I finally got my ass up to ask Kenneth what he actually means by the e-mail he mass sent to the whole class and I guess I got his point and I am cool. Funny, how in the past when things like this used to happen, I did not give two hoots especially if all the bitching was about me. I guess part of me was astounded that this could happen to people aged like us. And part of me wonders, whether I should filter out what to say and how to act to people because now, I am walking around thinking they are all monsters, filled with teenage angst that I must be careful about provoking. Like from first year, it is always about how to play the game and truth be told, I am sick and tired of the game. I do not hate anyone, something I pride myself in, passing judgements that stick is not my cup of tea. I guess, no matter what, I try to give people the benefit of the doubt, that maybe, just maybe, they have some circumstances that push them to do certain stuff. Note that I am using them. Not you, not she, not he. THEM. Because there is no vast difference and I guess it's all the same.

Oh well.

I tell you, these past few days, I have been moving so fast, things have been moving so fast that I haven't had my comfort zone for awhile. Plus, it doesn't help that I am using that excuse to not move whenever I have extra time. Which translates into all those briyanis and pratas and shit being translated into fats that are not burning. I am a chubby girl now, happy but chubby. Ok, chubby and lazy. If I don't watch it, Imma be rolling around and you guys can use me as Santa Claus... or...hmm.. the turkey.OH GOD, more eating during Christmas?

No, Zulaikha, you cannot use every single occasion to EAT. Tsk. No no, Imma feel good during Christmas and Imma enjoy going to Sentosa one month later. With a bikini, hm... maybe I should buy a new bikini to motivate me.

Oh well.

I am currently saving up for my brother's Pedro shoes.

But this little bitch's expensive balls, even I don't buy stuff like these for myself.I am a cheapo. Tsk. But oh well,my bro's worth it.

Instead of going visiting tomorrow like normal people and getting 'hong-baos', my mum's dragging me to the shop and I have to wake up like at 3am because there's a lot of food orders she took and so, I am hoping to get paid so that I can get some help with the birthday present and I wanna get some stuff, dammit.

Wishlist:

Navy green & black shorts
Coloured pumps
Coloured flip-flops
Guess wallet
Black&white top
Brown&purple dress

K that's it for now.

It's 1am and I got to wake up in two hours so let's go get some shut eye. Talk about filial piety.

Musings

2007-11-07T05:31:00.000-08:00

Don't you guys think it has been awhile since I have self-reflected in this blog? Why is it suddenly I feel afraid to voice out what I think or what I feel for fear of somebody viewing it as my weakness?

This past month, I feel myself getting less trusting of people around me, people's morals. It's like when I see things or hear things happening around me, I lose hope on people, generally. What I fail to realise is, I am built just like everyone else. In an attempt to not be similar in any way to them, I try my very best to be honest, to be an open book, to answer everything simply and explain clearly just so they won't misunderstand. Be it to whoever, acquaintances, family, friends. But honesty is just not welcomed all the time and so I find myself being... diplomatic. Trying to hold on to this dog-eat-dog world and not be jaded.

However, with this lesson learnt, I also found people I am willing to invest my time in. Like my sister, my godmum,etc. And when I actually spend my time with people who loves me with no boundaries and are not ashamed to tell me and want to talk to me, I feel this irony in the air. It's like, how can I be so distrustful to people and yet trust and love them fiercely?

I really do not know what I am getting at. Honestly.
Just writing my random thoughts here. Which was what this blog was intended to be for.

Peace

2007-11-06T09:36:00.000-08:00

I know I am late in posting all these but I just got them from Fi who got it from Hani. Faham2 k, Hani is a bit slow. These are Raya pics. I really just love how we could be someone else outside but once the tots and the Enam Jahanams(they were called that last time) come together, we rewind back of times of Mr Heng and physics, of Abid's song called,'Oh Bapak Gatal'. Hmm.. i wish we could always escape to those times again. Till then, I could just give you readers the gist of how retarded we can be with pictures. Enjoy!

RAYA, PEOPLE!

Here, we were waiting for Hadi to wash up after camp so we went crazy. Akmal effing irritating when taking pictures. I really dun understand how someone that handsome can be really irritating, like ala... u must know him to understand. Tsk.

Nys finished the cookies! Greedy monkey!

The 50's act. We have the Mat Guitar, Minah Drummer, the showgirls and Bib's the ermm... tipper. Nak kasi 20 cents, i think.

Stevie Wonder Malay Style

Fi step 'the fella in Singapore Idol' You know the greasy looking one with the hair covering the eyes la!

At the traffic light:

Us in the car: "Akmal, take picture!"

Akmal willing does it which explains the pic above.

Then the light switches to Amber

Fi: "EH AKMAL, OUR TURN"

Akmal starts fumbling, dapat jugak! Thank god the camera did not end up on the road.

A little adrenalin there.

Siamese Twins. Pity them please?

That's a lot of pictures.

I have things to do now.

1) The pile of laundry I have been avoiding for the past week

2) Decide on what to wear tomorrow

3) Do my finances

4) Meditate

I have been surrounded by people nowadays and I am in those weird moods whereby I wanna be cooped up at home not having anything to do but read a book or self reflecting and shit like that. But with Deepavali around the corner, I do not think that it going to happen soon. Oh well.

About Regan and me, I am glad we talked things out and I emerged from the fight a little bit more sure about us. Thanks, my dear.

K peeps, gotta go now. Meeting my sis to go buy my brother his birthday present.

I love where I am in my life right now and I do not wish for anything to change. Ok except for my weight and my monetary status la. But oh well, you can never be too skinny or too rich, so let's eat and spend right?;p

Why are you changing?

2007-11-04T05:17:00.000-08:00

So... Friday was the last day of school and we had a skit where we had to exhibit a role play about good service. It went perfect except for the setting but oh well, the teacher enjoyed herself so i think that was good. We had only 3 members in the group so we had to make an imaginary one which is actually a broom with a face pasted on it which explains this picture.

After which I eloped across the causeway down to Jb for a girl's day and night out. Who would have thought JB's nightlife is wayyy better than the 'Cannery'?? At this point my phone's batt was flat beyond hope so... not much photos. This was all I had.

Me and CT

CT and my elder sister, Nazeem

The two syaitan 'kuttis'-'Little devils'

Cabana's and Modestos was great. The bartender puts two pax in all our drinks and it wasn't long before my sister started getting real high. LOL, ironic, I took care of her. Why do I always take care of people? Dun get it.

Something inside me is not happy. I want to blog happily, I want to talk a lot but really, there's something troubling me. Like, a lot.

ARGH!

2007-11-03T12:19:00.001-07:00

Class politics are bad. Momma told me to stay away from them.

Let's just hope nobody steps on my toes, then things will remain fine and I'll continue joking. I not, I can always take out my boxing gloves.

Secondly, why is Regan snapping at me? I don't understand it. Am i a little girl with ponytails tied in fucking PINK ribbons? Do i look like I'll smile and nod my head just cause u snap?And when i tell you it bothers me like how a normal adult would tell it to another adult, you become totally ignorant? There comes a point where I know I give too much shit. And things like this would cause me to snap out of it.

All I know is, people come and go.
I do not give a flying fuck if you don't like me, if you don't like the auntie selling ice kachang. It is none of my business and I don't need to know.

If you STILL have a problem with me, I suggest you drop a coin, bend down to pick it up and kiss your own ass. Because it is just pathetic.

P.S: Do not bitch if you know you cannot say that to the other person's face. Cowardice.

Ok, done ranting. Picss gonna be up soon.
Bye

I am back

2007-11-01T09:53:00.000-07:00

Ok, I know you have to put up with me talking a lot, repeating the same thing over and over again. Or short cuts that just seem to exist for the sole purpose of irritating you.

I have finally installed the CD to transfer the photos(I am a procrastinator la, ok.), paid my bills so that my internet connection dun suck so much and made resolutions to keep posting, so here are some pics that I have. The rest are with Fi, oooh, I am going to have so much fun with that!

@ IJC REUNION

I love her.

Step Diva =p

Izyan, Jess and Fiz

Seeing all of them again brought me to a time where it seemed so surreal. Where I was a totally different person. I am glad that there was people like Ilah, Zira and Fiz to take that load of me at that time. Oh, and Shalini. LOL(she's staringggg)

Ladies' Night

This is all I have because they went to Zouk after that which dampened my whole mood and I went home, what can I say, I dun like Zouk.

Anyway, I have a presentation tomorrow and shall be off to Jb to pamper myself with some shopping, pedi and a whole lot of booze. So, keep viewing. Because I try my best to post, so you have to read, ok?

Ciao bella.

Stupid internet

2007-10-26T10:00:00.000-07:00

I swear I wanted to post many pictures but it seems like my Photobucket's fucking up on me and my eyes are shutting already.

So let me leave you with a pic and random thoughts.

I want to switch back to ZA, Olay is ok but not good enough.
I still have yet to do the laundry.
I never want to go to Zouk again.(grr to Jonei and YZ)
I need to stop procrastinating.
I need a time out to just chill out.

I miss my tots.

It's all in the mind

2007-10-23T08:10:00.001-07:00

You know I have no life when i blog three times in a day.

Ok, I am procrastinating studying for tomorrow's test but I really should start because there is really nothing else to do on the computer. I am not hooked on Facebook/Friendster like some people so that sucks. There are only certain blogs I go to and read almost daily.

No pictures to upload because fucking photobucket resized my pictures and I got to get it from Regan's comp for pics from last weekend. Fi's not yet given me Hari Raya photos and Geylang photos. So, I have nothing to edit/upload.

Which means, I have no choice, Imma go and study.

Loves Shmoves people. =)

Lifeless

2007-10-23T03:25:00.000-07:00

Jonna, YZ and a couple others are planning Ladies' Night tomorrow.

I guess I am a little worried because there were some silent discussion among my mum and dad that I have been going out a lot. Like weekdays, i come home late and weekends, I don't come home at all till it even pissed the shit out of my brother. Oh, and I am broke too. But we'll see.

There have also been hanging plans about a sleepover for our dear Fitot and Shatot which unsuprisingly, have been put off till further notice. A very long notice it seems.

But i feel so lifeless, I guess I have been speding a lot of time out. And it sucks that I did not make good use of the time, For me, it was like time wasted.

I feel numb, I want to be woo-ed again.
I wanna be heard and not be huffed away.

Well, you cannot have it all,eh?

Laze the world away

2007-10-23T01:29:00.000-07:00

I am too lazy to do anything about my Facebook account that is just collecting dust and to blog.

But, I got my K8ooi already and I have tons of pictures but Photobucket decided to be an arse and is under maintenance. So, school started and I am loving it.

I will blog again when I have something to say and pictures to post.

And why is my hit counter increasing yet there are no tags? Readers, identify yourself, or i'll shoot! See, I am getting lame. Must be Yan Zhen's fault.

Skinny-fy me, please? Now?

2007-10-15T08:56:00.000-07:00

Am I weird because I just caught 'Chicago' by Catherine Zeta Jones and Renee Zelwegger(Don't know how it's spelt)? I LOVED IT! Although Renee looked a tad too skinny. They said that was in the 50's where women just started feeling empowered. I loike.

Anyway, Imma go upgrade my phone to a K800i tomorrow due to the following reasons(I love point forms)

I compared the pictures I took with Regan's old phone and Thipa's 7.0 megapixel camera and it did not differ much, 'cept for the face detection. Yeah..
I am not working so I have no cash to get a digicam imma love.(*ahem Sony Cybershot T100) I am not going to go all out tutoring anymore. Just getting some money in would do.(Since I do pay my own bills and don't ask for extra money for my own personal use, bluek to YZ. Rich idiots.)
My Samsung D900, though have served me very well in daylight sucks at night where the party really starts due to the lightbulb of a flash.
And my lovely Samsung is depreciating like crazy so imma change it before the value is zilch

The cons?

I do not like its bulkiness. But oh well.

Anyway, all the pictures are uploaded from the phone to the lappie and I realise I have a shitload of pictures I have to upload on Photobucket and maybe, if I feel like it, imma post them here. Mostly vanity shots. What's a girl to do? I better do it soon because I want to reformat this old thing and my PC too.So many things, so little time.

My nephew's in his own home so the house is a lot quieter. Even the brother's back in camp. I feel like a mother who just sent both her kids to a boarding school. Relieved but I miss them already. They made a mess throwing peanuts up in the air and trying to catch it with their mouth. And the result is my bedroom being filled with peanut shells. A mess I HAVE TO BLOODY CLEAN.

Let motherhood be far away.

I miss the girls terribly. And I miss him too. This whole weekend was all family, though fulfilling have made me a very fatigued Zulaikha.

School tomorrow at 9am so I really should get going. To bed, I mean.

P.S: I am kental because I finally know how to use Facebook despite being on it for weeks. All i have been doing is pressing 'Confirm' and 'Ignore'. Go figure.

Exskueze me

2007-10-14T08:10:00.000-07:00

My nephew is staying over for three days and I am already drained of energy.

All that transportation on the first day of Hari Raya. Just my brother, my nephew and I.
Walking all around Singapore.

Today is a Sunday. So, we met Regan uncle for breakfast and then went home to spruce my house up a bit(We make a mess with chocolate wrappers, ice cream all over the floor) and then went swimming. And let me tell you something, martial arts underwater is hard work. Went back home and helped mummy with more housework and now, I am going to sleep because I have school tomorrow. I just checked my time-table and I have Thursdays off which means I am free for Ladies' Night. As you can see, I am still in my holiday mood. But I am not repeating my mistakes ever again.

Tomorrow, my nephew, Shatriyan is going to come over to my school and we are going to have lunch somewhere and then there is some st**id thingy that's happening in the temple which i am not interested in but for the sake of my sister's husband being hindu, I have to.

Then, I'll blog again.

I don't like Hari Raya because it messes up my organizer. Bleagh.

*Orgasms

2007-10-10T19:25:00.000-07:00

Wanna know what kinda look I dig?

Not the natural look, I am alright with the bronzed look but what from my everlasting love for my eyeliner( I like them dark and thick and arched), I am trying to create these babies.

Now all I need are millions of eyeshadows and good brushes. I am a woman on a mission.

I am broke

2007-10-10T00:32:00.002-07:00

I have been waking up, eating good food for every 3 hours and then resting or sleeping.
I can feel the curry and fats rushing to my belly as I speak. This is not good for the following reasons

1) Hari Raya is coming which means no time for gym and more time for kueh which translates to more spare tyres. Bleagh.

2) My kebaya has a higher chance of splitting when I sit.

3) All my effort went to waste.

FUCK.

Ok, I know I just got home from my sis house and imma elope with the boyfriend.
BYE

I am.

2007-10-09T05:52:00.001-07:00

Look, I am straightforward. If I don't like it that you are doing something, especially if you are behaving flaky and I tell it to you, take it like a man/woman.

I am like this, if you say something, mean it. I might let you off the hook one or twice but one two many times, it shows a sense of disrespect to both me and yourself. So when you say you are going to do it, don't flake. And then, when I get pissed, you get pissed and make me feel like it is my fault? What is this nonsense?

I dun get some people sometimes. Oh well, really, if I am not allowed to even get mad because I keep waiting for what you said you will give me, then f-off. I am not going to keep being the happy crazy girl just for you, I get mad too. And then, you do what? Take it personally and ignore. Pfft, typical. Guess I won't be getting the pictures anytime soon.

Anyway, been spending some time in my sister's house now, close to two days already and I miss home. Just dyed my hair a mix of red and brown.Oh, did I tell you my hair is curly and short, Regan likes it but I am finding it a lil hard to adapt. I guess tuition won't be happening anymore so I am kinda finding something I can do on the sideline since school's starting next Mon and it is classical for me first.

I guess that's it for the update. See ya, muacks.

BZ/ZB

2007-10-05T23:49:00.000-07:00

Ok, let me recap what I have been doing then I must really rush out. He's picking me up in ten mins and I haven't put on a face yet.

Monday: Al Majlis and Bugis with the TOTS.

We got this free and Hani insists it was one mouthful.

She ate the entire thing la, ok.

Mixed sausages..YUMZ.

Our cow.

Mixed grill.We like meat. For someone who's having toothache, Fi sure can chomp on a lamb.

Bib's wrap

Loved it.

Tuesday: Slacked all the way at home... sewing! LOL.

Wednesday: Gotham, male strippers*yawns. One Nite Stand, had lots of bubbly. Attica, can anyone say too many foreigners looking for white men, Old men. Dropped by some other places. Plastered.

Thursday: More alchohol @ Vista Point, chit-chatting with Regan and Clyde.

Friday: Errr.. more beer? @ Indochine after getting reaallly lost on the highways to East Coast Park which was all somehow or rather my fault.Zess.

Saturday: @ Crab Shack drinking some more. My baby Ronaldo scored.. again.

And I am tired. I am broke too. And I need a side job because I have stopped tutoring. And I am panicking.

I am bored. Bye.

When girls and boys collide

2007-09-30T08:00:00.000-07:00

I have been cracking my brains trying to find something substantial to blog about. Something non bimbotic and different. But I realise that I have been occupying my time with stuff that are really superficial And so, not wanting to sound bimbotic, I just omitted all superficial talk out of this blog and stopped blogging so frequently. And then, I thought, how could someone be so sombre for so long?

And I thought, fuck it. This blog can be shallow, deep, normal and I don't really care anymore.

I am upgrading my phone to a K800i because it takes real cool pictures. I realised this when I saw that 3/4 of the pictures of the pictures on Regan's computers are all from his Sony Ericson phone and since I am on an ambition to totally change.. heck, u can't change things that are not there. Ok, let me rephrase, to totally add on to my wadrobe, I don't really want to blow my money on a digicam. And from my financial planning, it is possible but I think it's a waste as my tuition's ending so the money's not going to come every week anymore and I am not really into tuition-ing all the way either(The boy's getting to be quite a handful).

Ok, I got something to say. Firstly, please do not play pass the message. Secondly, do not hesistate to call if things dun sit well with you. Thirdly, dun use FI as our messenger*smacks her*. And lastly, there are some things that are far more important than ego.

The moral of the story, we are doing a photoshoot for 5fekta and break fast @ AlMajlis and Nys pissed is coming along.

I am so hooked to The Hills because I am a slow poke and I did not know they were airing it on MTV.com.

Regan:'I am officially dating a bimbo'.

Call me weird, it is a guilty pleasure and plus, I love seeing people dress up and how they act to situations. Girls, especially. I do think that girls are kental sometimes but there are girls who talk and act like real people with a functioning brain. There are just things that guys don't get and only your girlfriends get. And even then, if you have a weird mix of girls like in the TOTS, some opinions take an awful turn but it don't matter because if it's strong, it'll stay. Like how there are jerks for guys, there are bitches in girls.

I have a feeling this is going to be a long entry.

I was talking to somebody the other day,'Why is it so hard to be serious with someone?' And he replied, 'Because I cannot find someone suited for me'. And I thought, can u instantly make that connection with someone? Like, Love at first sight kinda thing.(Note that I used capital letters for the L to mark the sacredness of the meaning of the word.)Anyway, I think the most likely of that happening can only point you towards an indication. For example, you want someone homely and innocent, a good indication would be her smile or her twinkle in her eyes. It would make you to try the first move and then you decide for yourself if the judgement is correct. In that sense, I agree. But then, the flipside is, what about those that are wrong, then comes that famous saying, probably by a fellow who got the indications wrong,"Don't judge a book by its cover". And then, I came up with a theory(I have a bag full of theories, close friends would know this),that there is no ONE person who can suit you during the first few months. I guess, in a productive relationship, it takes a while for you to adapt and mould the other party, tolerate and brave through obstacles just to be together.

For example, Regan and I are different in many areas. A night out means chilling out at a pub/bar watching football and for me, it means, knocking down shots after shots, dancing till your heels hurt and waking up with a migraine. And those of you who knows me would know that my freak out nights are REALLY important to me. But we are the same in many areas too, Some couples just hate being indoors, goes out and watch movies and add on to their social life, or try, but Regan and I could do it and stay under the covers(which sometimes would be flung away*ahem) all day, night and the next day. And at the beginning, we did not click much and fought a lot. My family is such that I should drop everything and be there if anyone calls and he is at an age whereby he should be dating girls who don't have curfews anymore and we used to argue, fight about this all the time. But we compromise and now, when I do that, he plays PS3 and whines to me about it for 5 minutes and that's it. I am not saying we have a perfect relationship, just that it's more comfortable for you as an individual.

I really enjoy the space we give to each other, knowing that there are no boundaries we cannot enter with each other. I love how much I trust him, though both of us gets jealous suddenly over nothing(Okay, that's just me). Ok, back to what I was saying, you compromise, play that awesome game of give and take, sprinkled with lots of understanding and less psychotic emotional hoohaa and you get a comfortable relationship that gives u the freedom to grow at your own speed and be a better, happier person. Plus, more orgasms.

Then again, I talk too much. LOL. It's 4am. I got to sleep.

Nightsss.

Love/Hate

2007-09-27T12:07:00.000-07:00

The reason why I am changing my blogskin is not to design a blogskin worthy of awards. I just wanted my mojo back and I knew it was never going to happen with that stupid grey skin. What was I thinking?

These past few days have been sneaking out at nights to snuggle with him. I have finished the last lesson with the girl, Erna in Woodlands. And this leaves me with the headache of the year, the one I tutor everyday. I am determined to teach him all I can eventhough I know his attention span's that of a pin. I get a migraine everytime the lesson's over with him. But, I am determined to try.

Tomorrow, I am going to go on a mission to find cheap buys for T-shirts to get myself ready for school. Though, I think we are going to have the TEP ugly blue shirt we are all supposed to wear.

Today, while running the 30th minute on the treadmill, my butt and stomach cramped up. So, I decided to ease up on the speed and settled for 7.3 instead of 9.0. I just hope that come tomorrow, my muscles shall not cramp on me and it won't rain because Imma go for a swim. There is just something about doing things alone that makes executing the workout properly a tad more satisfactory. My arms are flabby, that's why a full workout's good. Regarding the weight loss blog I have, I shall update it soon. Because I am just starting again.

i wish I have some intellectually stimulating stuff to talk about but I am too busy rescuing myself from the slob I am becoming should I be online too long. I can just sit down and surf for the whole day, I swear that is so bad.

Really, I need me some lights and dance. NO KAKI! Tsk. Neh mind, next week got.

Anybody got 'lobang' for digicams?

2007-09-25T10:48:00.000-07:00

Pardon the Cbox.
Trying to come up with a new layout. Anything should suffice, i think.

Am just fucking bored with this one.. k peeps, early day tomorrow.

ME BABY!

2007-09-24T10:04:00.000-07:00

Welcome the newest addition to our family

If you must know, these past few days have been fun but I am really not in the mood to blog.

Let me just recap, aite?

Friday was Geylang with the girls. Pics shall be up once I get them from Hani.

Saturday was Seoul Garden to celebrate Regan's birthday while Sunday was spent meeting my baby nephews and nieces.

Meanwhile, I woke up early because I did not want to waste time sleeping. My schedule for today is gym at 12pm and tuition from 3.30 to 7pm. After which, I shall head home and organize my stuff in the room. I might blog again later.. or not.

K,bye.

2007-09-19T20:42:00.000-07:00

I am bored.

Now, I am going to the gym and then going to pay my stupid measly 60 bucks i owe the sch and then Imma go tuition. I have no life.

No worries, meeting the girls soon.

2007-09-13T11:21:00.000-07:00

BROKE

I am really happy because I finally stopped being in denial and paid my bill. And, I paid Regan for his PSP, which reminds me, I forgot to take the hardcover from him. Now, I gotta go modify it and download many many games in it though the only reason I bought it is for WINNING ELEVEN. Now, I can finally get all the star players in MY team. *rub hands in glee.

Gattusso, Schevchenko, Rooney, Gerrard and of course *coughs* Henry. I better be able to afford them. Okay, girls, you can wake up now.

Tomorrow's puasa. Okay, I dun normally fast because I find it a little weird. Isn't it weird that for that whole month, you fast and think pure. You remember God and then after that, during Raya, you start fucking, drinking, cursing, gossiping again. Doesn't it defeat the purpose? Is it just out of pure habit. You were trained to fast so you do? I am not patronizing,just running my thoughts here. Oh, better yet, after 7.30pm after dawn, you meet up your boyfriend and start feeling up each other's inner thighs? You fast the entire day and pig out in the evening? But who am I to preach? Just don't come and look at me like a sinner when some of the people fasting are much bigger hypocrites.

Ok, ok, short of starting a religious debate, let's change the subject.

I bought my god mum a birthday present for her birthday which is tomorrow. Now, the problem is, I don't know when I am gonna give her. My baby asked for a Man U jersey. There is something about me that just love giving gifts but only if they matter and I have cash la. Hmmm... I am so rambling. =/

Seriously, I really don't know what else to write about. Ok, I KNOW!
My sister is in the hospital right now, waiting for the right moment to induce labour. Another boy, another nephew. Whoopie...

K k bye.

2007-09-12T10:06:00.000-07:00

AFTER EXAMS

Half of us

Yay!

Prakash, Zhong Yi and Jun Chong

Kenneth, the incessant talking angsty clown

Me, Jonna, Cj and Kenneth

+ Yun Qi

YUM

Jonna and CJ

Weirdos

Then Zy, JC and Pirakash left while the rest proceeded to Zouk and met Yan Zhen and Eryka.

Regan came too. (Though he looks like he did not like it much)

Yan Zhen finally arrived.

We made a pit stop at the prata shop because Regan was whining as he was hungry and we stopped at the playground for a bit complaining about girls.

We looked damn kay-po

Then back to Zouk.(No more pics from here on as me and Regan left soon)

Sorry for the bad pixels in the picture, kay. I did not resized it and manually did it in Blogger. Needless to say, I suck in that.

Tomorrow's puasa.

The pics shall be uploaded to my multiply you can click at the 'Snapshots' section.

Bye

2007-09-11T08:17:00.000-07:00

Rejoice peeps.

I feel like blogging again.

Which means I feel cool again.

Heh. Not really.

Ok, so that day 2 night with Bib and Sha was awesome.We did not bring a camera so make do with my stupid phone. We walked around Bugis finding a place where we can just relax and chill out for a bit. So we were confident when we walked up a back packer's inn where the guy looked at us up and down, probably thinking,'Are these girls even tourists?' Well, it was a dorm and smelled like socks so we made our way to Geylang where all the prostitutes were lined up, waiting to be sold. It was funny because Hani was @ Darlene, very near our hotel but we did not want to disturb she and Heiqal. Went up to the room, chilled out a bit, watched some Madagascar. Went to Clarke Quay, just a bunch of broke girls walking around, sniffing for alchohol. Wanted to enter 1 nite stand but it was really deserted which was suprising because I used to go there like 3 times each week and had a blast(memories...). Since Bib was a DblO virgin, we reluctantly went. The conclusion, we hated it. I do not like Mats and Minahs, in fact I feel like spraying pesticide on them but that's besides the point. I am biased like that. Bib and Sha hated it as well. Sha hating it means something, ok. She is surrounded by mats and minahs, i guess these ones feel younger and cornier with their pick-up line. Never going back there again.

We then proceeded back to the hotel and chatted till we slept. This is just simplified terms but really, it was awesome.

Photos from After Exam party coming up soon.

Someone get me a Sony Cybershot T200 please, really, if you love me, save up now and give it to me on my birthday. I shall never ask for anything else for the rest of the years that I live. I thought I shall be getting it if I start working outside after finished tutoring, but I am afraid I cannot. Zess. Ok?

Ok, ciao

2007-09-11T03:29:00.000-07:00

I am not blogging because

1) My layout sucks.
2)I am so lazy to upload not necessary pics.
3)I am too busy having fun(This week has been a blast, 'backpacking' with Bib and Sha and with Regan during the weekends)
4)My mum purposely 'forgot' to pay for the internet which she always assume to be the SCV bill and I am stealing someone else's internet which is damn slow and loading youtube is soooo slow. Before I blog, i get pissed and switch on my telly.
5)I am not cool, therefore I don't blog much. When I feel cool again, I shall.

Till then, you take care.

Oh, && I got so much gifts to buy. ok, two but still!

I bought PSP from Regan already, yessss ah! Winning Eleven 24/7! Puasa this Thursday. Last month, I fasted for a day only. Wonder how much I will puasa this month. Oh well.

LIFE'S GOOD

2007-09-04T10:29:00.000-07:00

Today I got so sick of tution and then I thought, 'Hey, 3 hours of work ain't that bad.'

I feel like I need a vacation. But I cannot go anywhere out of Singapore because I made a deal with my mum saying that I could only continue with my studies if I adhere to her house rules. So stop asking, k? One of them is to stay in Singapore, she does not want to be held accountable.

So, imma take a vacation in Tampines where I am free to roam and see my darling god-mum.

See ya'lls. God bless.

p.s: This blogskin does not match my mood at all now but I am too darn lazy to change.
I have to stop eating one meal a day, I run about during the afternoon and only can eat during dinnertime and I do not like eating at night.

p.p.s: Muttons in the morning are talking about ghost stories. I changed the station. I freak out easily. Lame, I know.

p.p.p.s: I really have no point in this post, at all.

2007-09-02T10:50:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the absense and the pessimism, peeps. I had a very rough week.

But now, I am all better! I am humming and singing in the showers again! *I can see Regan cringe now.

Ok, so I finally meet the girls again after our exams! Dun worry Sha, soon soon.

Nonsensical pics first, talk later.

THE TOTS @ Bugis
(Minus Ny-tot)

Bi-tot and Ro-tot

Jootot and Fitot

Ro-tot, Bi-tot Jootot and Sha-tot

Ratattouille!!

Personal Joke (Eyebrow up, nose down and lips shut tight)

Meeting them took a lot of weight off my shoulders. I cannot wait for our slumber party 2day1night as Hani called it. Oh, and maybe we are going camping, and cook marshmallows on a stick though I hate marshmallows. I love the holidays.

Weekend saw me spending some time with Regan after certain exhausting unfortunate things happened during the weekdays. Followed him to football, then went to East Coast to eat and just feel the calming breeze and cuddled. Oh, Rajesh and Alex cuddled too. Heh. Played pool and crawled back home. We cuddled and went to bed only to wake up in the morning, not wanting to leave. But I did 'cause I wanted to meet my brother.

My tutee's mum wants me to continue teaching him even when he finishes his PSLE. I don't need Classifieds anytime soon. Everyday, 2 lessons each day. 8 lessons-$180, u do the math. Yay! AND, he stays right across the road from me.

I just got my dress from Tracyeinny. I LOVE THEIR DRESSES! Go check it out! tracyeinny.livejournal.com. Meanwhile, Imma go enjoy my holidays.

Ciaooo.

2007-08-30T00:45:00.000-07:00

I don't know why but there is this heavy feeling in my heart that seems to be weighing down every step I take.

I feel something bad brewing, about to happen. And this feels like those when it is not just one thing gone wrong. Maybe I am to pessimistic.

I really hope I got this wrong. My instincts are wrong, please?

2007-08-28T09:28:00.001-07:00

To buy list: IMP! The next two weeks

*Lipgloss(MAC lipglass)
*A pair of bags(Black and some other colour)
*Tshirts
*Skirt
*Shorts
*New flip-flops(Mine are fucking slippery)
*Need to trim the remaining lefttover rebond in my hair

That's it for the next two weeks.
Ciao bella.

2007-08-28T00:40:00.000-07:00

Back to my goal

Now that I have time to myself, I can finally go back to my weight loss plan. Now, I am not going to play play. It's 2.4km 4 times a week and jumping jacks every night, balls.

Tomorrow's pay day but not so much but well.

My brother made a stupid joke:'June, you know what they say, half a loaf is better than none.'

Me: *roll eyes

Him:*runs to me and nudged me, "Actually, I don't know why they say that, naan Is WAY better than half a loaf of bread"

Fucking random.

Anyway, I am so bored right now but tuition is at really odd hours, so it is hard for me to go out plus the girls are all having exams. Come next week, the hours would be better. I wanna go Chinatown for good beauty products. I wanna go Bugis to buy a new bag. Tsk.

Now, i got to go and teach tuition.
See ya.

2007-08-27T07:56:00.000-07:00

Jonna and Me

Smokers is what we are known as all the time.

Zhong Yi, Yun Qi and Sheila

Our Business Law Skit starts here. (Joanne cannot believe that is her)

Xuan Luang as Jessica Alba( PUKES)

Pirakash threatening to kill Jessica Alba if he doesn't sign the contract

We chanted(KILL! KILL!)

ZY as the tramp(Notice the imbalanced nipples)

RACIST!

Yan Zhen trying to be me. (Notice the inhaler and cigg)

IDIOT! Their company was named Ika's broom Pte Ltd.

I am fully aware that it is so last centuries, the pics but well, I had time.

Last Friday was Zouk with the class. I tell you, I love my class and it sucks that the semester is over, you know? Personalities clashed, bitching sessions. WE BETTER MEET UP DURING THE HOLIDAYS OK!!

I went through my wadrobe and realised that I have a digicam! Zess! Two of them some more! Just got to repair them. I am broke now so it is tuition all over again.

Good news? My student passed his prelims. 75/150 from 23/150! We are working for a 90! The girl called me the other day wishing me a Happy Teacher's Day and thanking me for teaching her well. *blushes.

My brother asked to me to go NIE. Riiiiight.

Things are getting out of hand at home. So out of hand that me and my brother ran the idea through my mum about me and him getting our own place. Since he turns 21 in two months and he is in NS which means his rent is gonna be real low. God bless Singapore. I don't want to run away but this is too much. You know what they say about running away, u run away once, u run the rest of your life. Life is about making choices and never turning back. Ever.

Today, I am not going to talk about finding the right person. I am going to talk about leaving the wrong person after squeezing all you can give to him/her. I would be lying if I said that I do not believe in love. But I do still think it sucks because you can have no say about when you might fall and how deep. Is it just me or are people falling in love too fast and too deep? And whatever happened to loving yourself first. So, within one month, you think that He/She is the One and then you go all out to try to make it work. I've been there, trust me. But it does not work that way. But, let's not digress. And how about when years go by and you see yourself turn into a spluttering, blabbering, pessimistic idiot because you burned out. You tried too hard.

One way to know when it really would not work. It turns into a weekly habit for the past three months or more. You know, fight, then patch up. Then fight, then patch up. I am not talking about the normal petty fights. I am talking about that internal warning voice you hear deep within you. Even when you are tight in his arms, the bells might go off. Or when the future you visualize for yourself is nothing close to what is in store for you if you stay with him/her. So, you take a stand. You end it amicably. Then the pattern starts. You get ecstatic, a quick whiff of freedom. A weeks or two months passed and then, a sharp pain in your chest. A vacuum that draws you closer and closer to him/her and you think,'Is he/she suffering? Did I make any difference at all in his/her life?' because as much as you try to diminish his existence, u hope he/she won't do that to you. Because you are a significant person. From here on, there are two paths to choose from. One, you go back. It stays the same. Two, you stick to your guns and as time passes, u heal and it's you who was strong, not anybody else.

It's your choice, really. Choose wisely.

Why am I talking about this? Because my closest ones are hurting. My brother, my neighbour, my friends. This could help, or not.

Oh well.

I got to go get a life and stop acting like Aunt Agony already.

2007-08-18T07:58:00.000-07:00

There is something wrong with this pic but I cannot seem to put my finger on it.

I am just taking a time out from studying. In Yishun Macs now doing Business Finance.

I learnt a valuable lesson this week: Do not go out with cash when you are stressed. I bought the weirdest things when I went to fetch my brother from NS. Bought a stupid looking eyeshadow, and this weird looking earrings that i am never gonna wear and some other things from Watson's I do not need.

I desperately need my holidays.

Sigh.

2007-08-15T06:26:00.000-07:00

-Musings

Today, as I was walking back home from tuition, I saw my dad's car turn into the carpark. Due to my reflex action, I hid and viewed them from afar. I saw my mum emerge from the car and walked into my lift lobby with heavy looking plastic bags. At the same time, I see my dad with a couple of bags. I could see from where I was standing that he was reprimanding my mum once again. It has been months, really.

And today, my mum asked me to accompany her to buy some groceries in EconMinimart. Suprisingly, it was an alibi for her to confide in me what she could not confide to the husband, her partner for almost 20 years. One thing that hit me was that she could not remember when they got married. I told her, I never remember dates like that too. I mean, once you are in a relationship, does how long really matter?She informed me of the truth of what is happening to this house. About how suffocated she felt. About how drastic it was to lose the love of her life(my real dad who passed away when I was 5, i think). From a woman's point of view, she told me that my real dad(papa) never restricted her and always thought about her before him at all times. About how, when she was in her wild days(which resembles me now), she loved the fact that they could talk about everything under the sun and still had the passion of teenagers(overshare). She was brave and so was he. You know the saying, behind every successful man, there is a strong woman? Well, in this case, behind every strong woman, there is a hope in the memories of life lessons learnt.While talking to me, she was reminding herself that her years with my step-dad have been reduced to plain survival. She pish-poshed love and said that it was something she never could attain anymore(apart from the growing love she has for us). She felt sorry for herself. I would too, if I worked 364 days a week non stop, doing things that takes 3 men to do.I held her rough hands and her nail(that dun look it anymore) and just listened.

And I thought, the power of a spouse. I don't think that what I don't have right now is my weakness. Instead, the more my home is just a roof on top of our heads, which means practically just a house, the more I pine for a real family. You know, the kind where you really feel free in. And while, other people are complaining about how they don't have SCV or something as trivial as that, I look at my bedroom and count my blessings. As life have taught me one thing in my measly 19 years of my life, that is tomorrow could be different.

As we walked back home, I see my mum transform into a dutiful Indian wife and smiled sadly. What a woman. What a facade all in the name of survival. A daughter who is schooling, a son who still hasn't got a strong head on his shoulders. She has no choice. I fear saying anything more because privacy is still important though I always say I am an open book. Because judgements suck.

People do not realise why I sometimes overlook things that people who matter to me does. I believe every thing has its timing and I do not want to be a driving force, I want to be the person who has your back when you fall. For eg, my brother might not be the most responsible or a role model sometimes but I respect the fact that he was there when no one else was. When people say something about my mum, it doesn't piss me off as much as when they say something about my brother(which is your death wish, seriously because I will kill you). I might be too hopeful when I say this but we only got each other, tied by blood. And for the most important person, my god mum, I really hope that when the ball is in my court, I will wipe the pain of having your daughter taken away from you when it is my time.

I have short term ambitions for myself and for the people I love. The long term? Is a blueprint enough because I don't like to hope for the future so much, though sometimes I think about it when I go to sleep and will smile.

This is not my sad story, believe me, there are sadder issues in my life. But one of the many things Regan has taught me is not to dwell on things and come up with a solution and take the reigns of my own life. Which brings me from the past, present to the... future. A girl can dream, right? Let's just say that I cannot imagine being without Regan. He calms me down, shush me up and help me just by being himself. It is refreshing to see someone so 'moving forward' and together. The past and cynical thinking always catches up on me and being with him allows me to breathe better, laugh harder and gives me the freedom to be softer as an individual. I adore him like mad and will still continue to adore him as a person when say, in the future, we may not be together. CHOY!

Oh well. Life's a fuckbrain.

p.s: I cannot believe you read all of that. Cool shit.

2007-08-14T10:26:00.000-07:00

-AH-SHIT-CHOO!!

My room is dusty,I can feel it. I cannot stop sneezing.

Today, I studied alone @ Yishun Starbucks and I felt like I was in Mat&Minah paradise. The staff were mats! The customers were minahs. Thank god Amy Winehouse did not allow me to break out in hives and soothed me.

I thought I pretty much got Marketing Management but when Regan tested me, I started blabbering like an idiot. And mixed everything up! Hollistic Marketing and Integrated Marketing sucks. First book ok.

Tomorrow I start second book and Business Finance. Oh, you people dun bother about me, just using this goddamn blog as an organizer, thought I already have two organizers.

Which reminds me, I need a small organizer for the holidays. I have a feeling I am still going to be busy during my holidays. Gut instinct.

PAY DAY LIAOOO!

2007-08-13T12:17:00.000-07:00

-Just 5?-

Ok, so I have to come up with five things I like about my body tagged by Fi. She should know better than to tag lil miss thick skinned me.

1) My eyes. Easy to work with, it smiles when I smile.

2)My nose, it is not big, not small, not buttony, not like an onion. Just nice.

3) My boobs. It has a bigger and better life than me, those attention whores.

4) My shoulders. Unless I get too chubby, I dun need a LBD, these shoulders are broad making me look slimmer than I am. Ok, not so slim la.

5) The largest organ in my body! My skin. It is glowing, exfoliated fiercely and moisturized so I better love it.

6) My smile, rare to come by but worth the wait(Cheyyy..no, seriously)

Oh, just 5? Chey.

Who do I tag? Ermmm.. YanZhen, Jonna, Shyanne, Ayeesha, Hani, everybody who reads this and has a blog la.

2007-08-13T08:54:00.000-07:00

-OOPS

I know I said that I shall not be updating but then again, I just need a time out and so i started bloghopping and realised I miss me bloggie too much. *muacks.

In my spare time also, I have mastered the art of the smokey eyes. Yeah, too much makeup tutorials I have started watching. You might want to watch RiceBunny and Pursebuzz. Many good tips. I go to Ricebunny for good skincare tips and Pursebuzz for makeup tips. I am an addict. They make me wanna go buy a full set of MAC brushes and eyeshadow.

So, now before I finish up Marketing Management, I shall just let you in on some wishes I have lined up.

Wishlist:

A camera -> Shall I just wait for my Sony CyberShot or just get a normal Olympus/Canon or something? Those 300+ ones, you know?

Macquillage OR211 Eyeshadow Pallete -> There is a highlighter, a brown shade for normal day wear, a darker brown for smokey and another greyish/silverish shade with a smudge sponge and an eyeliner brush. (Cool or whaaat?)

A shopping spree at Bugis -> Heard me right! Not at Topshop or all that, because I need lots of clothes! And they won't satisfy me. Ok, maybe one or two indespensable ones and I promise, no black. No more. I digress, it doesn't help that i spent the whole of last week's pay paying for people, cabs and ciggs. I had no time to go out and I needed to spend. Tuition pays good money.

A manicure and a pedicure -> Scrub, massage, exfoliate. Please!

More time with Regan -> Studying's taking a toll on me and he has to tahan me not being there.

The tots -> The new launch of 5fekta's goods. And god, i miss them!

A night out painting the town red blue and purple -> Tequila, Vodka, whatever, I need it! I deserve it.

A life.

Just came back home from meeting him after tution and drove down to Changi Village to get some food. I haven't shown you his car, have I? One of these days la, ok?

Till then, ciaooo.

P.S: I am not naked. I wanted to take pic of my smokey eye.

2007-08-11T08:20:00.000-07:00

Will not be blogging for 2 more weeks.

Ciao.
EXAM'S HERE!

2007-08-08T07:11:00.000-07:00

Rule Number One : Listen to her.

Rule Number Two: Kiss her tenderly like you never wanna let her go. Not like u want to fuck her. You get the pic.

Rule Number Three: Smile at her with your eyes.

Rule Number Four: Hug her tight and see her smile.

Rule Number Five: Keep that snake in your pants.

It doesn't take much to make me happy. And I am. *smiles.
And this is not just because he just drove me back home in his car.

2007-08-07T22:19:00.000-07:00

I dun know what is wrong with me. I just cannot seem to wake up. I guess I won't be coming home early today.i got to rush to tuition now. And marketing class from 4-6.

And then, my baby gonna pick me up at 6pm, i think, IN HIS NEW CAR!

I am in a holiday mood and that sucks. That's it! Saturday and Sunday, I am gonna be mugging.

Ciao, u alls.

Have a nice one.

2007-08-06T09:39:00.000-07:00

I am back from a 2day1night chalet @ Aranda Country Club. It was shitloads of fun with unlimited booze, smokes, debates and other unmentionables.

I didn't take any pics because, I was having too much fun and because I won't find the time to upload them here due to my upcoming exams.

Bad side: Regan lost his Sony Ericson K800i. I suspect someone stole it. Fucking hell.

I love my baby monkey pie. (Puke if u want to, i feel so mushykushy, someone ought to shoot me)

2007-08-03T10:51:00.000-07:00

After one whole week, I got to meet him today. Was supposed to go WalaWala but I had to be home early. We could have still gone but I finished tution at 8.30pm so it was quite useless.

Sooo, me and him rolled around in bed, snuggled and discovered it was fast approaching midnight. So, we hurried to get some food and beer as a small celebration for the weekend and here I am typing at 1.53am. He asked me to sleep but I couldn't.

Now, I am sleepy. I need to go to the gym. After exams la. Been so busy lately. I got to send out an e-mail, moisturize my face and do the laundry but I am too tired.

The people in my class are becoming sporty. IS THAT GOOD OR WHAAT!? Now, i can finally go to the school gym! Woots.

K all that happiness took quite a lot from me. Night, world. See you in 5 hours time.

2007-08-01T10:43:00.000-07:00

-'I dun know, I just don't like her face'

People say I have this face – this ‘I dun give a half fuck even if your goldfish dies’ face.

Truth is, I don’t. I really don’t. Being in poly have taught me many things but one thing that strikes me the most is that people do not like you for who you are. It’s either what you have or who you potray yourself to be which matters most. And the truth is, I am not surprised. It is like playing survival of the fittest. Who has the lastest goss? Who has a better wadrobe? But tell me, since when did teens become so dumb?

Of course, handpicked smart teens aside, whatever happened to building yourself as an individual. Helping your friend to become a better, stronger person, mentally or emotionally. No, it has all been reduced to guys, Topshop, games. For a better understanding, please view the media to see how easily they market their products anyway. Put a bunch of ‘ang mohs’ pretending to be cool and it SOLD! It is the race to be the richest, the skinniest (Who the hell wants to be skinny anyway?), the most popular, the one who parties hardest, the ones with the best grades. I call this the ‘OC’ syndrome. Yes, that show with the pathetic stick walking around, namely, Mischa Buttface. Suddenly, it is cool to be rich or look it. What’s more pathetic are the people who leads ordinary lifestyle and starve paying for the effort put in trying to build that persona.

What makes you think I am not going to like you as you? Sure I understand dressing up and all is good but when you have no style to it, you look like a carbon copy of the rest of the stupid people out there.

Meanwhile, that does not mean that you should start outcasting yourself and go to the beach yourself and all(inside joke). You can be many different characters with different people but still have this essence of you in every one of them to let people know just who the hell they truly befriended at first.

So, chances are, if I give you that face, it doesn’t mean I hate you or think you are dumb. I am indifferent. Because chances are, you will try real hard to remember my name in twenty years’ time and it seemed like we never met at all. So stop trying hard to please everyone because one day, they won’t mean shit to you. This blog post has no point but I you catch ball, then good ah. Because even I am a little lost.

2007-07-31T03:38:00.000-07:00

-A pathetic attempt to blog with pics

I need to do powerpoint slides, study for Business Finance and EFMA. Both accounting subjects. Bleagh.SO imma just leave u guys with some pics from when Channel U's 'Hey Gorgeous!' came to our school. Fiona Xia, Elvin Ng and some fella I dun give two hoots about.

2007-07-30T22:45:00.000-07:00

I stumbled upon all my diaries while organizing all the stuff which is spilling out of my wadrobe. Messy girl, I am.

And I just realised a similar emotional pattern that stuck with me for close to 6 years already. You can read about me complaining about everything under the sun. While I remain to be sceptical and having a pessimistic outlook on everything that happened, my life whizzed past me, too fast for me to savour any of it for its true essence.

And so, I deliberately traced back to the time where it all began. It became hard and painful reliving all of my past again but I knew that it was important for me to see what exactly the true problem is and start afresh. And it all went back to when I was all but a young pre-teen where the biggest revelation of my life happened. It was my revelation, not yours so you dun need to know. And from then on, it had been the same way over and over again.

And so I, from a third party's point of view, traced back to where it stopped. And it was when I stopped hoping but still I was not happy. So I continued tracing back to when I became truly satisfied with my surrounding and imagine my suprise when it was when I met Regan. I knew that meeting him was one of the best things that have happened so far but never did I realise that it made such a big impact till now. And weirdly, from then on, I stopped writing in diaries.(A habit that started from K1!) I did not have the need to. I have someone there always listening and talking to me.

I told this to Syarifah that day that even while being with him, I feel single. I keep feeling like I am at the point where I am just beginning to get to know him and when I feel excited, my palms start sweating and I blush like a babboon's bottom. And it has been almost 1 year plus. (Who's counting). And it still feels like a novelty still yet being with him feels normal, second nature. How am I going to explain it, I don't know.

But, I tell ya, I am loving this.

I feel blessed. Really. Because at this stage of my life, after not knowing my mum and dealing with her psycho-ness, now, she feels comfortable smoking in front of me and we will talk like sisters. But that is only if my dad is not around. Twisted, this family, i tell ya.

And also, though me and the girls rarely meet due to school and stuff, we can still talk on the phone for ages just yapping our heads off and I feel safe talking to them since they know what I am trying to say without me elaborating on it. Even school's effing fun with my class and Nat(whom I am beginning to adore,really). I do not know what else there is to complain about.
Other than cash and even now, I am not that tight anymore.

I am gonna savour this moment now.

2007-07-29T08:41:00.001-07:00

There are many things I want to say and pictures I wanted to post. And after editing and sorting them out and uploading it, i got strayed away from the mission at task with blogging.

The culprits?

Syarifah with her new loverboy. Regan and the disappearing ATM card. Bib and her golden goddesss thingy. Sha with her boys sucks philosophy. All this on the MSN and my phone and this distracted me from blogging.

So you know who to blame.
I'm out.

2007-07-26T02:43:00.000-07:00

-I NEED A CHANGE

Any change, I find poly life to be a cycle. When the sem starts, you fret about things like finding your own clique of friends and getting the nice bod to show off or getting dressed in the latest fashion so that you can, once again, show off.
Before you know it, the sem starts full swing and you deal with the first wave of exams and projects. And before you could even celebrate going through that, teachers hand out the next assignments and give u an evil smirk. But I have never felt like this before where, the first one have yet to be handed in, the second one is already in progress and then the third one comes along. I knew that project time is tough. I mean last semester was really tough but it was still manageable but this sem is hell. I fell sick twice in two weeks and I do not know what to blame it on and shall conveniently put it down to stress. Right when I got my ass down to school, I was faced once again with the projects and I felt so guilty that while they were stressing out, I was sleeping at home. Eventhough that was all I could do, I felt so guilty but oh well.

( Break: I need some food. Ordered some Macs as I know it would be a long night of ICT and EFMA)

Ok, where was I? Yeah, I need a change. It has been so long since I just went out and not think about school.

OH..*clears throat

REGAN GOT HIS LICENSE AND WILL BE GETTING HIS CAR SOOON!!!

Now, he says I love him because of his car. Yah......riiiight. SO FUN!! Now, we can go anywhere, everywhere, whenever we want.
I think he is the only one who buys a car before getting a license. Confident, i loikke.

Anyway, I want exams to be over.
I want my students to finish their PSLE quickly. Which reminds me, I am getting awfully protective about my students. Just now, Safie's dad whispered this question to me,' Is he a slow learner?' I jumped in anger as if it was MY son he was talking about and replied curtly,'He's not slow, just dreamy,' with a tight smile. *^&%$!! I am really anxious about their exams, both Safie and Erna. I really hope they get to Secondary one. Insya-allah.

I WANT MY FUCKING HOLIDAYS, FOR PETE'S SAKE. Who is this pete , anyway.
I am getting crazy.
Gonna go now.
No pics now. no life, no pics, no pics, no life. Get the picture?

2007-07-25T10:55:00.000-07:00

I have been drifting in and out of sleep these past three days. This is ridiculous, how much this hurts. I keep taking medication and then sleeping again.

Projects, Efma ICA. Bleagh.

YAY, ICCM ICA was done well.

11th August - City Square(JB) sale 10pm to 12am storewide!
IKEA Clearance Sale!!

WANNA GO!

It has been close to 3 years since I have been shopping. 3 years!! I think I was not born a girl.

2007-07-23T06:57:00.001-07:00

I am sick. Again.

I am beginning to hate smoking.

2007-07-23T00:22:00.001-07:00

This morning, I fell sick once again and did not go for school

YanZhen: Your bizfinance group project A, my group D :(

Me: Really? Yay! *was a lil drowsy with sleep.

YanZhen: me D :(:( and i took the wrong train. i gg to somerset but i stop at orchard. then i take another train, i end up at newton. I am so unlucky.

Me: y u telling me your whole life story? Hahaha.. see you tomorrow.

When fully awake, i thought to myself, that WAS pretty unlucky. Heh.

I read YZ's blog the other day and I was thinking to myself also how much I really do like this class. I look forward to coming to class, not like last semester. I dun want this semester to end but oh well.

On another note, however, I MISS MY TOTS! SO fucking much, i cannot tahan.

Please view our website http://www.5fekta.blogspot.com/ for our special tank top waiting to be grabbed.

Go girls, what are u waiting for?

Start bidding.

There's more to come! Tshirts, tanktops, dresses, accessories. All customized to your liking.

From us, the TOTS.

On another note, I whipped this up for a last minute Marketing brochure for Charles & Keith.

For the public launch

For the private launch.

I dun care what u think but I like it.

Now, I am gonna take more panadols and move my ass to tuition just so that my pay would be this week again. And then, I can really shop and go 0ut without worries.

I miss my girls.

2007-07-19T09:27:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, school was from 10-1. Then I went to my mum's shop and helped out. After which I had both my tutees to teach.

At night, me and Kenneth stayed up from 12am to 6am @Yishun McDonald's doing maketing project. Went back home, slept three hours and went to school at 11am for ICCM project meeting. Classes at 3pm-6pm, teached Safie from 7-8.30.

And at 12.30am now, I am boiling water for coffee with no ciggs.

P.S: mum just passed me 3 of her sticks.
God bless her soul.

I am dead tired.

Class tomorrow at 10am. Save me.

2007-07-17T08:54:00.000-07:00

BOUNCY BOUNCY SMACK SMACK
IMMA GIVE YOU A HEART ATTACK

IMMA GIVE U A LIL BITE, LIL BITE, LIL BITE.
IMMA KEEP U UP ALL NIGHT, UP ALL NIGHT, UP ALL NIGHT.

now.If only I had the time to do THAT too.
Shit.

I need to club.Badly.

2007-07-16T10:11:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was effing horrible, i tell you.

The stupid Business Finance started my day and all was going fine, (cept for this niggling feeling that something bad is going to happen about my marketing project). Can u believe it, that nerd of a gun said that we copied her survey! I did not even see that survey lah. Nerds. Wait, nerds are smart but this one, stay at home and study also get almost the same marks only i see. Loser is more like it.

K k, that is not why it sucked.

After finishing up Business Law, i rushed back home to find this ticket so that I can run an errand for my brother since he is in NS. So got it and took a cab there so that I could reach tuition promptly. Upon reaching the place, they told me that the letter I brought was not the copy and I had to take a cab back home to search for it at 4.45. The place closes at 5 and I was frantically searching for it and caused a great mess but to no avail. Gave up at 5.10 as I was late for tuition while my tutee, Safie, was waiting patiently for me at the library. Took a cab down and cabbed to Woodlands for my other tuition. I did not really mind this one because the girl is more eager, plus I am teaching her Maths which is better than teaching English to the boy who do not know how to read. Stress. Please advice, people. I enjoyed teaching the girl, Erna so much, I did not realise my time with her was over.

See?

Though she is a joy to teach, I was fucking tired by the time that was all done and my thoughts went to my remaining projects. It didn't make things easier when my bus just zipped past me without even stopping to see who was waiting for it. But PSP kept me company till the second bus approached me. I jumped up and started flagging for it. The bus driver had the cheek to look at me and zipped past me as well!!

Like as if he thinking want to stop or not, decided not to after looking at my pathetic face, laughing to himself.

STUPID PUNDEK BUS DRIVER!

I gave up waiting for that bus and went to another bus stop to wait for another bus that goes to my place as well. AND THE FUCKING SAME THING HAPPENED! SO DAMN SUAY!!

I took a cab....again. God was trying to tell me something.

It didn't help that I blew my pay already. On bills, cabs and..

in Watsons(that's not all of it)

Love Watsons.

Anyway, Business Law presentation went well. The tutor said that everyone got high marks. And my ICA1 was an A as well so... *fingers crossed. And Thursday is Marketing Management, Friday is ICCM submissions. I am dying.

So tonight, imma not sleep, or try not to and finish up my Marketing. Because I wanna go Walawala(dun know how to spell) tomorrow. And have some wine (not beer) and some music to sway me away and think about another place far far away.

Till then, ciao.

P.S: Found this while ransacking my house.

Memories from Genting more than a year ago.